HMS Pinafore

This last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Wellington performance of the New Zealand version of Gilbert and Sullivan's first great hit, HMS Pinafore.

Down-sized and up-laughed for the local audience, it was tremendous fun.  Directed by Geraldine Brophy, HMS Pinafore featured a fine cast of singers, including George Henare as Sir Joseph Porter, Helen Medlyn (as Buttercup), Tizane McEvoy (Josephine), Tainui Kuru (Ralph Rackstraw) and Paul Barrett (Captain Corcoran).  Full marks to them all.  Not only did they have a great time, but they shared their energetic jollity with the very enthusiastic audience.

I had some private fun of my own.  Not only did Paul Barrett, as the captain who owed his rank to his social status, have a striking resemblance to Commander Dawlish, on the jacket of Antoine Vanner's latest, Britannia's Spartan, but I was acutely aware of the biting satire of the script, directed at the Royal Navy of Gilbert's time.

Sir Joseph Porter (George Henare), as First Lord of the Admiralty, sang this famous ditty:

When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to an attorney's firm
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor
And I polished up the handle of the big front door
He polished up the handle of the big front door
I polished up that handle so carefully
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy
He polished up that handle so carefully
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navy


As office boy I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a junior clerk
I served the writs with a smile so bland
And I copied all the letters in a big round hand
He copied all the letters in a big round hand
I copied all the letters in a hand so free
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy
He copied all the letters in a hand so free
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navy

In serving writs I made such a name
That an articled clerk I soon became
I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
For the Pass Examination at the Institute
For the Pass Examination at the Institute
And that Pass Examination did so well for me
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy
That Pass Examination did so well for he
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navy

Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the partnership
And that junior partnership I ween
Was the only ship that I ever had seen
Was the only ship that he ever had seen
But that kind of ship so suited me
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navy
But that kind of ship so suited he
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navy

I grew so rich that I was sent
By a pocket borough into Parliament
I always voted at my party's call
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all
No, he never thought of thinking for himself at all
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navy
He thought so little, they rewarded he
By making him the Ruler of the Queen's Navy

Now, landsmen all, whoever you may be
If you want to rise to the top of the tree
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea
And you all may be Rulers of the Queen's Navy
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea
And you all may be Rulers of the Queen's Navy

So, thought I, who was the First Lord of the Admiralty in 1878, when Pinafore was composed?  And did he really have a background so peculiarly unsuited to his role?

Well, he was none other than W.H. Smith, scion of the bookstore chain that his father had founded.  He was a bookseller! And newsagent!  Mind you, he was good at the job, as he expanded the firm and introduced the practice of selling books and newspapers at railway stations.

William Henry Smith was elected a Member of Parliament in 1868 and rose to the position of First Lord of the Admiralty less than ten years thereafter. He went on to be the Secretary of State for War, and later First Lord of the Treasury and Leader of the House of Commons, among other posts, but he never lived down the "Pinafore" reputation.

Disraeli, the PM and thus his boss, had great fun after that by calling him "Pinafore Smith."  And who can blame him?