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Sunday, April 6, 2014

Daylight saving stops in NZ

Well, April Fool's Day has passed, along with its giggles, and the clocks went back last night.

Winter approaches, which is why friends are sending me cheer-up jokes, I suppose.

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
  
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:    
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE
 WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Maybe an American reader will tell me what WD-40 is?  A lubricant, I suppose ...

And, the Irish are always good for a giggle ... (along with all the other varieties of the human race)

Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'

Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'

More heavy breathing and another minute later.

Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'

Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just
dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street
 .'


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Print your house at a quarter the cost

Not only was it on TV

But it was a full-page advertisement in today's Dominion-Post


Have your house built by a 3D printer -- on site -- within ten days, plumbing and electrical wiring included.



And, what's more, it's intelligent.  If there's an earthquake, it heals itself



And it costs just 25% of the same house built traditionally.

What fun.  It makes you want to race out and buy a lot of land, just so you can watch the house 3D printer in action.  But ....





Yes, it is April Fools' Day downunder.   As the real estate agency who posted this elaborate hoax says on their website, "We hope we gave you a smile and a vision of the future."

In the Bay of Bengal

More from Eleanor, wife of Captain Hugh Reid of the East Indiaman Friendship






On the 24th [August 1800], the ship being ready, and the troops embarked, under the command of Lieut. L., of the Company’s Bengal army, we prepared for sailing. There were only eighty sepoys, besides followers, but certainly they were the finest-looking native soldiers I had seen, the lowest in stature exceeded five feet nine inches. Another passenger joined us here, a Mr. F., purser in the navy.

Next morning the land-breeze enable us to leave Penang; we sailed pleasantly for some distance along the shore of Queda, which is covered with wood and verdure, from the water’s edge to the summit of the mountains. There were sent on board a number of boxes of a plant called Gamutta, intended for the botanic garden at Calcutta. This tree throws out black fibres from the large leaves near the top, like horse-hair, which is twisted and made into very strong ropes and cables; it is a species of the palm-tree. We had also a pair of large cassawaries, a present from Sir George Leith to Lord Mornington at Calcutta.  I purchased a pair of beautiful crown pigeons, which I intended for my friends in England.

In the afternoon we passed the islands of Latta, and came in sight of Pulo Boutou [Pulau Betong]. Close in with this island a suspicious ship was discovered, under Danish colours; the crew were at work to disguise her, by placing black canvas over the quarter, to make the people on board us suppose she had a poop: this artifice did not escape notice, and preparation was accordingly made for an encounter.

A difference of opinion now took place between our captain and Lieut. L.; the former wished the sepoys to be kept out of sight until we were certain of the discovered sail being an enemy, and in that case for them not to appear until the musketry could take effect. At this time the stranger had made all sail towards us, and our ship had shortened sail to wait her approach the sooner, as the Friendship was not in a trim to run. The captain was firm in not letting the sepoys at present to be shewn; however we were soon relieved from anxiety, by the strange ship pulling down the steering sails and standing away from us. Now all concurred in one opinion, and that was not to follow her. We continued our course, and before dark she was out of sight. It was not doubted but that the strange ship was an enemy, and some expected that she would turn and attack us in the night.

We now passed on, with fine weather, between the Nicobar Islands and Junk-ceylon [Jung-Ceylon], until we came abreast of the Andaman Islands, when the weather became very unsettled, having constant gales, with heavy squalls of wind and much rain, which occasioned the loss of several sails that were blown from the yards, with much damage to the rigging. Owing to the thickness of the atmosphere, we had no observation of the sun for several days, so that the ship’s situation could not be exactly ascertained; at the same time we were in shallow water, which rendered our state very alarming. We were compelled to carry a heavy press of sail, both day and night, to keep the ship off the Pegu shore. 

In the afternoon of the 6th of September, our apprehensions were at length relieved, by seeing to the leeward of us that dangerous reef called the Alguada or Nagada, which disclosed to the officers our exact situation. These rocks lie near Diamond Island; we passed them at three or four miles distance, with thankful hearts to the Almighty for our preservation. The waves were dashing over the projecting reef in a frightful manner.

[Footnote from the editor of the Asiatic Journal: It is rather singular that the Travers Indiaman, belonging to the same establishment, should be totally lost at this place several years afterwards, and twenty-two persons drowned.]

Before morning we had cleared Cape Negrals, the south-western extremity of Pegu. The weather still continued boisterous; but we now had plenty of sea-room, having entered the great Bay of Bengal. It was reckoned the breaking up of the south-west monsoon, which finishes at the autumnal equinox; the north-east monsoon succeeds, and continues until the vernal equinox. Seamen expect bad weather at the change of each monsoon, and prepare accordingly.

We were great alarmed one evening by Lieut. L. on a sudden remarking, in conversation, that he perceived the scent of something burning in the ship; almost at the same instant the mate of the watch called out to the steward below to know what it was that caused such a smell of fire. We were all in the greatest agitation at the moment, and poor Lieut. L., from weakness of nerves, fainted; but we were soon happily relieved from further apprehension, by its being discovered that the person who had lighted the binnacle lamp had left a cotton rag in it, which acted like a slow match, and kept smouldering. As soon as this was removed, all was quiet again.

When Mr. L. had recovered from the swoon, he acknowledged to me that it was a family failing; that his mother was the most nervous woman alive, and that he had often tried to conquer this affliction in himself. It was observed, that it was a pity he had chosen the army for a profession. He replied, that it was the only school to eradicate the disease; that when the privateer fired the broadside at the Arniston, in Bencoolen Roads, he was standing with Capt. M[arjoribanks]. at the gangway, not at all suspecting such a salutation, and that he never in his life had more command of himself, and readily assisted in preparing the ship for defence. He added, however, that he had been attacked in the same nervous way on board the Arniston, when she was struck with lightning. He was a mild, gentlemanly, well-informed young man.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Mrs. R. goes sightseeing on Penang


[August 1800]We set off early next morning in gigs to view the waterfall; during our ride we passed for several miles between an avenue of the cocoa-nut and beetle-nut trees, and many huts or sheds occupied by that industrious race the Chinese, who have charge of the pepper plantations. The supported twig of the pepper plant appeared to me not unlike our hop plants, supported by poles; the pepper hangs in bunches like our currants when green. 

We were highly regaled with the delightful fragrance of the aromatic shrubs, as we passed to the place under the hill, where we were obliged to dismount and follow our guide along a narrow winding path. In this spot the sun could not be observed at noon-day, so completely were its rays intercepted by the thick foliage of the lofty trees on each side. In many parts it was a thick impenetrable jungle, which had never been entered by man. We heard the noise of the descending waters some time before we came near, a circumstance that roused the imagination, and prepared us for something magnificent. I had provided a pair of thick shoes, understanding that the walk was wet and heavy, particularly near the fall. Notwithstanding our fatigue, however, we were well repaid when we arrived at a certain point near the rocky bason, or natural reservoir, where this grand cascade descends with a roaring noise that entirely drowns the sound of the voice, and obliged us to reserve our admiration and opinions.

After we left the spot there was a haze all round the place, caused by the vapour of the falling stream, at the same time so cool as made it unsafe to sit long after our fatiguing walk. As we looked up through the open branch of the trees to the highest source of the dashing element, it had a grand effect upon our minds. It was an imposing spectacle to behold the crystal stream impetuously rumbling over the rocky steep—

“Defying power of man its passage to stem
“Till with Ocean, the mother, it met.”

The fall is said to be upwards of a hundred feet above where we stood. One of the party had brought a small mirror, which by turning one’s back, and looking into the glass in a certain position, presented the alarming appearance of the waters falling upon our heads.

Having then rested, and feasted our eyes sufficiently, we thought of satisfying our appetite, which was acknowledged by all to be pretty keen. We only waited the arrival of the captain, who, to our surprise, was still absent. We knew he could not miss the way, as there was no other path; however he soon joined us, and explained the cause of his delay. Having staid behind to alter the stirrups of his saddle, and left the horse with the man who had charge of the gigs, he advanced alone up the path a considerable way, when he observed a snake coiled, and partly lying in the pathway. This induced him to retreat and make a noise, to fright it out of his way, but the reptile kept its station; having, however, determined to make a bold push to pass it, if possible, and procured a large branch of a tree, he prepared to strike it while it lay shooting out its forked tongue at every respiration, and coming pretty nigh, he with all his force aimed a blow, which struck it near the head, and repeating the strokes, he made it quite defenceless, and passed on to us. 

After our refreshment we returned, much gratified with the sight and scenery altogether. As we descended, we saw the snake writhing in agonies, being covered with ants, who were fastened upon it. One of the party soon put it out of its misery, and carried it on to town; we there found that it measured three feet nine inches, and was reckoned of the poisonous kind. There were a sort of leeches amongst the grass, which bit several of the gentlemen on the ancle above the show, and made the blood flow; but the bite was so small as not to be perceptible until the blood flowed from it.

We returned to George Town about four o’clock next morning; I was honoured by a visit from Lady Leith, with an invitation to dinner on the following day. She appeared about the age of twenty-five, with handsome features, but of a sickly appearance; she said that the settlement was scarcely tolerable, for want of society, and after chatting some time took her leave. In the afternoon, Mr. Baird remarked that there were two of the greatest beauties brought for sale from the Queda shore that ever were seen, and that if I would accompany him after the sun was low he would be happy to shew them, as they were at present placed within his grounds at the water-side. 

No duty as yet, he added, had been fixed upon for their importation. Accordingly we went towards the jetty, where two of the most horrid monsters that ever met the eye were seen, covered with mud. They were, in fact, two young alligators, with their mouths tied up, and rattans twisted round their legs: one was about ten or eleven feet long, and the other about nine, but so disfigured with mud that we could see nothing of the colour of their bodies; thick scales appeared near their tails, but we had no opportunity of examining them a second time, as they regained their liberty: it was supposed by some that they had rolled down, as their feet were so secured they could not use them.


The next day we waited upon Sir G. and Lady L. at dinner, accompanied by our host, who was also invited. I was rather surprised at not meeting any other ladies at the government house, but was afterwards informed that Lady L. had but recently arrived, and had not formed much intimacy as yet with the ladies of the settlement. To me it was on this account less a relief to be entertained on shore, and less a disappointment that the company soon broke up.

I have been unable to find the source of the two lines Eleanor Reid quoted when she was inspired by the sight of the waterfall (pictured at about the same time she was there). Maybe she was inspired enough to make them up -- or maybe her memory was faulty.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Tate to return looted Constable maritime


The 1824 painting, entitled Beaching A Boat, Brighton, is understood to have been looted and smuggled out of war-time Hungary.
A committee of government-appointed experts said the Tate had "a moral obligation" to return the painting.
The artwork became part of the Tate's collection in 1986.
It was donated to the Tate by Mrs PM Rainsford.
The picture, which is believed to have been stolen in 1945, was first recorded in London in 1962.
It will be returned to the family of the original owner, who died in 1958.
The report said the unnamed man was "a well-known Hungarian artist and connoisseur from a Jewish background" and described how he fled the 1944 Nazi invasion and "went into hiding".
The Spoliation Advisory Panel said: "His properties were confiscated, and contemporary witness accounts noted German military trucks being loaded with effects from the castle and being driven away."
The claimants discovered two years ago that the painting by Constable had ended up in Tate's collection. The claim was formally submitted to the spoliation panel in April 2013.
The panel was critical of the Tate for failing to thoroughly investigate the painting's history, given "the possibility that the painting had been the object of spoliation".
"It would not have been difficult to have made enquires of the Hungarian government, [which] included the painting on its official [1998] list of looted art from the late 1940s," the report said.
It also suggested the gallery had not furnished the heirs with all the relevant information about the artwork.
The Tate said it was "grateful for the care with which the Panel has examined the evidence and is pleased to follow the conclusions of the Report."
It added: "Tate will therefore recommend to its Trustees, when they next meet in May, that the work be returned to the claimants."

Are you worried?


With thanks to Rob Bowie and Nancy Yerly

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Lady Maria Nugent's eyes

On board East India Company ship Baring, en route to India, after a stopover at the Cape of Good Hope


As readers may remember, Lady Maria, wife of Lieut.-General Sir George Nugent, traveled from England to India in 1811, disembarking at Calcutta in January 1812.  According to the Arrivals column in the Bengal newspapers (found on "fibis," the British India Society database), there were 31 cabin passengers on the Baring, four of them ladies. And the captain's table was headed by Captain Templar, a shipmaster with an uncertain temper and a great deal of pride.

One of the females was Lady Maria herself.  Another was Lady Charlotte, wife of Lieut.-Colonel Sir A. McGregor Murray. The third was Ann, wife of Captain William Midwinter of the Bengal Army ... and the fourth was our very own heroine, Eleanor Reid, who was travelling to Calcutta with Captain Hugh Reid for the launching of his latest ship.  

Not, as you will see, that Lady Maria ever mentions her.  Back in those days, highborn officers of the army and navy looked down on those who were associated with trade, even those who were doing very well financially. But, apart from its testament to Georgian snobbery, this extract from Maria's journal is interesting because it gives an amusing little window into the social complexities of travel by sea at that time.

October 30, 1811. Some new arrangements at the dinner table, made on my account--the medical man at the Cape saying it was injurious to my eyes to sit opposite to the glare of the sun on the sails.

--A Captain Midwinter, of the Company's service, insisted upon keeping his seat, which would place him and his wife next to me and Sir George; and as this was Captain Templar's place, and Colonel and Lady Charlotte Murray next, Captain T. would not submit to it. There was, in consequence, much confusion, and it ended in Captain Midwinter retiring to his cabin, and ordering his and his wife's dinner to be sent to them there.

This was all very uncomfortable to us, but we were not to blame, nor had we it in our power to make either of the gentlemen reasonable. I would have given much to be allowed to dine in my cabin, or to have resumed my former situation [at the table], but this was not permitted. Captain M. sent me an apology, but abused Captain T., when, in fact, he behaved with the most violence of the two. it seems Captain M. is a West Indian, and suspected of being party-coloured, and these people are always very furious, in all their passions.

November 1st. Had an explanation with Captain T. on the subject of yesterday, and insisted on being allowed to dine in my own cabin.  Lady C. Murray begged to be with me, and so it was all settled, excepting that Captain M. was not permitted to resume his seat at the table, but was desired by Captain Templar to dine below, and this he did. 

So Ann Midwinter was banished to the steerage with her husband, and Lady Charlotte and Lady Maria ate their meals in Lady M's cabin.  This means that Eleanor Reid was the only woman left to grace Captain Templar's table -- but, being a most experienced seafarer by now, she undoubtedly handled the strange situation with her usual aplomb. But how one wishes that it was possible to read her description of the posturing and fuss!

Monday, March 24, 2014

A Thing in our harbour

Wellington is currently experiencing a strange visitation



A Russian-owned superyacht resembling a stealth submarine has arrived in Wellington Harbour.
The harbour pilot met the superyacht named "A" about 6.40am on Sunday, CentrePort's marine services manager Captain Charles Smith said.
Named for the first initial of its owners, Andrey and Aleksandra Melnichenko, the yacht's provocative styling has been controversial.
The Russian chemicals magnate (reputedly worth $18 billion) is expected to re-join the vessel from Queenstown on Monday.
The yacht has requested to anchor in the harbour.
Built by in 2008, the 119m vessel is considered one of the finest yachts on the water.  It is also supposed to be built that way so that it can't be easily boarded by pirates.  Or irritated Ukrainians.
It can accommodate 14 guests in one owner's suite and six guest suites, according to superyachts.com. It can also accommodate as many as 37 crew members.
The yacht is rumoured to have cost $US300 million ($NZ351.60 million).
And it hasn't even docked.  Instead, it is anchored in the stream, in the road of ferries and local yachties, and all other kinds of important stuff.  Do you reckon it might be lurking out there to save wharfage fees?  

Or perhaps sanctions against Russian travelers are at work.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Mrs. R. and the privateer


The Friendship sails from Malacca, and Eleanor hears about an exciting encounter


On the 15th of August [1800] we sailed from Malacca with a fine breeze; no person on board had to regret touching here. The officers, seamen, and lascars, who were tired of the feathered tribe, sold their birds very well at this place; some fetched as high as ten and twelve dollars, each, particularly the luries [lories] from Gillolo. The lascars were then rich in money, as well as in many little comforts which the place so plentifully afforded. 

In the evening we reached Cape Ricardo [Rachado], where we were obliged to anchor and furl all the sails, in consequence of one of those storms of thunder, lightning, and rain, to which I before alluded as prevalent in these latitudes. There we remained all night and next day; passed through that dangerous channel which extends on both sides from the mount called Parcellar [Gunung Ledang], on the Malay side, and some small rocky islands on the Sumatra side, called the Arrowes [possibly some of the Riau Islands].  Before dark we were reckoned clear of all danger, and the following day saw upon our right the islands called the Sambelongs.  We were still, however, annoyed with heavy squalls, but were not, as before, under the necessity of anchoring, having, as the sailors expressed it, more sea room.

On the 17th we saw five sail of ships a-head; this number gave us more confidence than the sight of a single one would have done, and we therefore stood on towards them. One of these proved to be the [HEIC letter of marque] Arniston, Capt. [Campbell] Majoribanks, bound to China: our captain went on board, and learn from Mr. Jamieson [James Jameson, first mate] the particulars of the attack made on it by a privateer at Bencoolen. 

It appeared that the Armiston had just anchored, and the seamen were aloft furling sails; they had no suspicion of the strange ship that was approaching with American colours hoisted; but the privateer no sooner got within gun-shot, than she fired her broadside into the Indiaman. Not a moment was lost on the other side in getting the people down, when they slipped the cable and followed her; this was of little use, there was no equality between the sailing of the ships, and the privateer made off, no doubt finding herself mistaken in the superior force of the enemy, and the latter concluded that the privateer had taken them for a country ship, manned with lascars. 

Capt. Majoribanks said that he had landed a detachment of sepoys at Penang, and advised our putting in there, having no doubt but they would be sent to Calcutta with us, and besides a protection, they being all armed, the business would pay the owners of the ships very well.

In consequence of this information, it was determined upon to call at the above-mentioned place, it being also reported that the Bay of Bengal was infested with several privateers. The next day we came in sight of Prince of Wales’ Island, or Penang, and anchored in the harbour on the 20th of August, saluting Fort Cornwallis with nine guns, which number was returned. The ship had but just anchored, and the sails been secured with all possible expedition, when one of the Sumatra storms came on, with the most tremendous peals of thunder, lightning, and rain; but we were now so accustomed to these visitations, after a passage of thirteen weeks, and running upwards of eighty degrees of longitude within a short distance of the equator, that they had become little alarming to any on board.

After this, the captain landed, and repaired to the master attendant’s office, when he was accompanied by Mr. [John] Baird to the government-house, and was introduced to Sir George Leith, the commandant. The offer of the ship to take on the troops to Calcutta was accepted, provided the ship could stay four or five days, to enable them to prepare provisions, water, &c. It was mentioned that there was water enough on board for double the number of men to be conveyed to Calcutta; however, they thought proper to detain us, saying, that as the troops were Hindoos they must fill their own water.


Mr. Baird, the master attendant, came on board, and very politely offered us apartments at his house during our stay, which were accepted, and I landed next morning, determined to make good use of my time while we remained. I was anxious to see all that was worth notice at this second Botany Bay, as it was termed by our host, Mr. B., who had much satire in his disposition and conversation, although in every respect a worthy and honourable character, and had commanded an Indiaman in the service of the Company many years previous to his appointment to this island.

Captain John Baird had commanded more than one East Indiaman:  first, he was captain of the Rochford, 1773, 1775-76, and 1777-79; then he took over the Locho for  two voyages, 1785-86, 1787-88.  He was also, as Mrs. R. was to find out, an affable and amusing host.

The Big, Big, Biggest Bestsellers

Since 2001, that is. And you have to take it into account that James Patterson is a book-production machine, not a Real Person.  But look at the money they have made -- even if it is just 10% of the earnings ....

WORLD'S 10 BEST-SELLING AUTHORS (WITH BIGGEST-SELLING BOOK) SINCE 2001
• 1: James Patterson (1st to Die)
• 2: JK Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
• 3: Nora Roberts (Red Lily)
• 4: Dr Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)
• 5 John Grisham (A Painted House)
• 6: Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)
• 7: Dan Brown (The Da Vinci Code)
• 8: Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)
• 9: Janet Evanovich (One for the Money)
• 10: Jeff Kinney (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)
UK'S 20 BEST-SELLING AUTHORS BY VOLUME (WITH VALUE LISTED) 2001-MARCH 20, 2014
• 1 JK Rowling – £209,722,338
• 2 Julia Donaldson – £84,236,523
• 3 Dan Brown – £89,430,433
• 4 Jacqueline Wilson – £81,944,149
• 5 Roger Hargreaves – £30,746,661
• 6 James Patterson £86,534,077
• 7 EL James – £48,787,532
• 8 Jamie Oliver – £131,031,085
• 9 John Grisham – £71,111,424
• 10 Terry Pratchett – £79,091,038
• 11 Stephenie Meyer – £57,488,542
• 12 Daisy Meadows – £33,333,081
• 13 Enid Blyton – £38,525,177
• 14 Francesca Simon – £42,459,107
• 15 Danielle Steel – £50,268,720
• 16 Martina Cole – £54,414,431
• 17 Roald Dahl – £42,987,766
• 18 Alexander McCall Smith – £48,535,939
• 19 Lee Child – £44,312,245
• 20 Ian Rankin – £48,171,091
UK figures courtesy of www.nielsenbook.co.uk
With thanks to Dale Williams