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Monday, April 29, 2013

Deathless insults

 They said it ... very unkindly

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."·
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."·
 "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr·
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill· "
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow·
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).·

 "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas·
 "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain·
  "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde·
         "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill·
         "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.·
 "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop·
  "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright·
  "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb·
  "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson·
  "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating·
  "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand·
  "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker·
   "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain·
  "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West·
  "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde·
   "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)·
   "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder·
  "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho

  With thanks to Judith Smith


1 comment:

Dale said...

In a famous exchange with John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, where the latter exclaimed, "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox," John Wilkes is reported to have replied, "That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress."
as reported by Wikipedia, but it may have been even earlier than that, and originally French.

This one gets misquoted a lot.