Citing Safety Concerns, Somali Pirates Refuse to Board Cruise Ships
Fire, Capsizing Top Pirates’ Concerns, Spokesman SaysMOGADISHU (The Borowitz Report) – In yet another public relations setback for the beleaguered cruise industry, Somali pirates today said they would no longer board cruise ships, citing “unsafe working conditions.”
“If the cruise ship industry thinks that it’s going to be business as usual between them and the Somali pirates, they need to have their heads examined,” said Somali pirate spokesman Sugule. “We Somali pirates may be bold, but we’re not crazy.”
The pirate said that the recent fire that crippled the cruise ship Azamara Quest “has sent a shiver through the pirate community.”
“We Somali pirates face enough risks without dealing with boats bursting into flames,” he said. “And don’t get me started on capsizing. If you want to call us rats deserting a sinking ship, so be it.”
When asked if the Somali pirates might attempt to board cruise ships in the future, he responded, “I am telling me hearties that if they were thinking of pillaging a cruise ship of its booty over Easter Break, they should make alternative plans.”
Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for cruise industry, said that the cruise ship companies “would be working overtime to win back the pirates’ trust.”
In the meantime, Ms. Foyler said, the industry would be unveiling a new slogan in the weeks to come: “Come for the fun, stay for the raging inferno.”
And it wasn't even dated April 1!
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